Suppose you’re in a random room, and look under the bed. I’ve done your cogitation for you, and offer this little list for determining by that what you find there just who lives in the said room.
You find: and the room belongs to
- A bent coin: A stressed person, or someone with odd notions about luck. Back out of the room, slowly, and then run. Stressed ones do inadvisable things, and luck people might want a lock of your hair and a piece of your colon — just for luck. (This is speculation.)
- Some dust, some dust-shrouded shapes, some faint sounds: The owner’s breeding chihuahuas under his bed. (There are three other alternatives, but they are too terrible to be mentioned. This is not speculation.)
- Some dust, some flecks of blood: The owner’s either having a period or some other dark secret. It would be best if you left without saying a word. (This might be speculation.)
- A giant trembling ball of dust: The owner is going through the extreme stages of caffeine withdrawal. That ball’s him. (This is a blatant lie.)
- A coin that is stuck to the floor: A student, and, furthermore, a male student.
- A coin that is stuck to the floor, and, distressingly, hairy: A male student of biology, or a sixth-year (or more) male student of any field.
- A fifty-cent coin: A wealthy student. (Quick, take the coin! If you’re looking under beds and thinking of coins, you need every single one you find.)
- A five-euro bill: An honest working man, maybe? Or maybe it’s a trap — run!
- A twenty-euro bill: Either a banker or an extra-careless guy — get quickly from under the bed before it collapses on you. (In the banker’s case that would be a security feature.)
- There’s nothing under the bed, but the floor has been licked clean: Ah, someone on a diet… make him happy and leave a few chocolate sprinkles.
I wildly guess this is enough to cover around 85.44% of all beds. The rest are so choked with dust, old toys and body parts that there’s no actual space under them anymore.
Did this help you?
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A minor item concerning the previous post on the Eurovision Song Contest 2008: Finland’s heavy metal group Teräsbetoni went to the final. Hooray!
Come Saturday, I’ll either dance and cheer, or, if they don’t win then, mutter that ’tis the fate of heavy-metallers always: to be misunderstood.