Methinks I shall conjure up a few stone tablets, a chisel, and a hammer, and start calling them my organic notebook.
No, don’t laugh — I have good reasons. Listen.
Do you know the ways paper is made are unnatural, with a lot of wasteful byproduct toxins? Bleach, turpentine and sulfuric acid — are these the things you want in your child’s sketchpad? Have you been fooled by corporate propaganda into believing you must buy, have and consume white Chemically Modified (CM) poison slices rather than sweet, clean, healthy, natural stone, used by the people of Mesopotamia for thousands and thousands of years? Can our society afford papercutting itself into oblivion? These are all deep, important questions with easy, slogan-like answers; so read on. Paper is litter, paper is poison — but stone doesn’t even need to biodegrade, because stone’s a part of nature already.
Also, paper’s so dull, so bland, so uniform — so white, actually, though I wouldn’t go so far as to openly accuse paper manufacturers of being racist stooges of the evil Western-Imperialistic Big Cellulose that’s trying to keep your little local homegrown stone tablet makers and other proponents of different ways of writing down while they reap the profits from the cooling corpses of those slain by their heartless pursuit of profit and their black-clad torture assassins — while every tablet of stone is unique.
Stone inspires; stone loves you. Paper, meanwhile, just brings nausea, stress and headache, and you know this — it’s no accident every bill you receive, or every bad grade your children get, are inscribed on the evil industrial pulp. Organic stone couldn’t hold such hard, impersonal, toxic thoughts. It’s no wonder leading physicians all over the world are diagnosing thousands of people daily with Cellulose Derangement Syndrome (CDS), whose symptoms are discomfort, anger, depression, fear of letters, estrangement from nature, and violent tendencies — or as the organic notebook movement calls it, paper rage, the symptom of our age and the “paper anniversary” of its divorce from healthy and natural ways of life.
But that doesn’t need to be so. Can you see it? A world more loving, more tolerant, more secure, with a million college students hacking away at their essays with smiles on their faces, mothers knapping letters on rose-colored granite to their daughters; a million pebbles with confessions of love passed in classes — picture that, and ask yourself if you see any future for this industrial poison-based papercut hegemony of ours? Our once so vibrant culture has been reduced to nothing but printers spitting our ream after ream of hateful inanities — the arts that once produced Gilgamesh and the Adventurers of Indi-Jo-Nesh are nothing but a wasteland of paperbound rape, violence and greed! But together, we can change all this — we can cast away the poison paper, destroy its peddlers, free its slaves, melt down the printers and the presses and the computers, burn the pens and pencils, and pound into the rock of ages this word: “NEVERMORE!” — and we shall live happily ever after!
And the alternative: ask this of yourself — what was written before paper? Beautiful, spiritual books like the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Goat-Man Prophecies, and the Oracles of Inanna. What was written after? Why, Darwin’s racist tome and the Mein Kampf. Paper was an integral part of the Holocaust — it is no exaggeration to say that the racist and xenophobic writings of the Nazis went hand-in-hand with paper; and without paper, such an industrial genocide would never have been possible. Before paper, perfect natural health and spiritual harmony; after paper, greed, intolerance and genocide. Paper is what happens when scientists, instead of people who really understand nature, are allowed to meddle in things men are not meant to know — why, they say paper is safe, but the last time scientists told me to trust them they were telling my grandparents to go into the showers — to get gassed! In Auschwitz! That’s what science, and evil unnatural exclusionist paper science especially, is all about! Dropping poison gas on naked people! That’s what the corporate shill poison sheet apologists are defending!
Ask them how they can live with themselves — and see, they have no answers.
They’ve never had any answers.
To ensure that my tablets are as natural and uncontaminated by modern toxins, pollutants and hurtsies as possible, I’ve decided to open a vent into the burning intestines of Mother Earth herself, using a large quantity of explosives; but thanks to the machinations of the poison flat peddlers and their paid-for spineless government yes-men, my applications for the generation of a medium-size volcano on my backlot have all been returned rejected, some of them with coffee sprayed over them.
And I doubt it is organic coffee, either.