My friends, my relatives; my countrymen. I would have a question for you. That question would be as follows.
What the hell?
I wake up, check the news, and find myself looking at abominations like this:
Those are recent support numbers for various Finnish political parties; and those are not the numbers to have a month before the parliamentary election.
Why that is so, is because of one of those parties; but let me first tell what those abbreviations stand for.
KOK 20.1% – Kokoomus / National Coalition Party (liberal conservative)
KESK 18.1% – Keskusta / Centre Party (centrist liberal)
SDP 18.1% – Sosiaalidemokraatit / Social Democratic Party (social democrats (well duh))
PS 17.2% – Perussuomalaiset / True Finns (crazy assholes)
VIHR 9.0% – Vihreät / Green League (green liberals (?))
VAS 7.3% – Vasemmistoliitto / Left Alliance (eco-socialists (that’s what Wikipedia tells me…))
KD 4.6% – Kristillisdemokraatit / Christian Democrats (well duh)
RKP 3.8% – Ruotsalainen kansanpuolue / Swedish People’s Party (liberals; for the Swedish-speaking minority)
MUUT 1.8% – Muut / Others (various yahoos)
As you may note from those descriptions, my question above arises from the party currently polling numbers that might make it the fourth largest party in the Parliament, one of a new Big Four to replace the uninteresting Big Three; a party that may get into the cabinet, or even (I can’t believe people are suggesting this) get the prime minister’s position: the odious twerps of the True Finns.
That’s their own chosen name in English; I think the Finnish name, “Perussuomalaiset”, translates directly as “Basic Finns” or, if you were on a Coca-Cola marketing mood, “Finns Classic”.
What these true, basic and classic characteristics are, are for the most part various sullen hostilities that a lot of Finns have, and that have so far been too uncouth to be so directly advocated on the political scene. The True Finns are, in my opinion, if not advocating these hostilities, then at least riding an implicit support of them as much as they can.
One’s a grumbling, mean-spirited, uncharitable hostility towards immigrants and foreigners — not that they’re racists, the party races to note, but they question the wiseness of extensive immigration. They’re wishing for a discussion; Sweden Democrats-lite or Geert Wilders-like, who of course are unreasonable people but they got lynched didn’t they? And they make questions about assimilation, while their elder supporters mumble that gol dang it, them furriners oughta throw away all their stupid furriner cultural package if they wants to live in Finland, and take up the stupid Finnish cultural package, when in a land do as is the land’s way, mumble mumble, the land’s way or the highway, mumble grumble.
This is echoed from the other wing of their members, from the angry young men who while not xenophobes dislike, hate and question anything that’s unfamiliar or different. No, they have great admiration for other cultures as long as them’s not the cultures of brown people. (But they’re not racists! They’re just “asking uncomfortable questions”.) And they place a great value on diversity sharia sharia SHARIA! Honor killings! Burkhas! Razzmatazz! Blind bigoted xenophobia! Oh wait I mean human rights. And as they were saying, let’s kick those people out back to the hellhole they came from, or at least make them do the wife-beating in a way we’re accustomed to.
The first wing takes up the refrain again: as if threatening der Natural Spirit and Wholeness and Grit of the Finnish Heroes of the Second World War the Nation of Blood and Super Heroes was not enough, there’s then these… university people. Which use big words and are out of touch with the real people, the real people who have sweat in their armpits and shit between their teeth, or the like. The people who have the smarts, not some eedjucashun.
And the politicians, them fat cats, they’re all corrupt and selfish and out of touch. Them’s talking of tax rates and parliamentary procedure and whatnot, when it’s plain as a very plain nose that the people need to have various many things for free for everyone, and also pay less taxes. Why don’t the deciders see that we hate them. Sullenly.
Oh, and them arts? We’ll support art only if it’s Finnish art! None of this Euro nonsense! Or the feminist sensitive robe-wearing gay modern stuffs! We wants real art, and we knows it when we sees it! True art only! Reflecting the true sober spirit of the… Finnish identity… we’re not racists, we’re proud patriotic nationalists and there’s a difference, yes there is.
Also, morals? We’re all for morals! Unlike the sick faggots… sorry, that was a representative who is not representative of the views of our party. As I was saying, these Satanic hippie group orgies… sorry, that representative was expressing a personal opinion. Them all fagits will burn in Hail… don’t interrupt, next with animals as I was… Please disregard him; he is old. Now we’re popularly minded and Christianly social and rah rah hurray Finland, and what’s with this faggoty bureaucracy, hey, I’m just asking, hey, what’s with that? And… and… well, you can’t put a wooden leg on a cow. That’s why this EU stuff will never work. You can’t put a wooden leg on a cow. And I’ll never back down from that!
Also, crime? We’re against it! Tougher punishments! Law and order! No foreign aid! Politics without pity! Every man for himself! And we’ll pull through this together! Focus on the farmfolk! Focus on the cityfolk! For the young! For the old! For the middle-aged also! If you have blue people, we’re for them too! True Finns for the blues! The establishment… what did it ever do to us?
As you may gather from the hyperbolic generalization (repeat after me: hyperbolic generalization — so I hope) of the screed above: the True Finns are nationalistic populists. I shudder to write this, but they’re a bit like the American Tea Party whackjobs; less so, because Finnish politics probably are in the mild limp pinko territory to any American observer, and Finland doesn’t have quite the same tradition of Bible-thumping theatrical jackassery. (No, the Finnish tradition is sullen grumbling glaring xenophobic hatred.)
The thing with them is, they haven’t been fighting for the place of the biggest party for long. Four years ago, in the previous parliamentary elections, they got 4.05% of the vote, and that was their high. Now, by that most recent poll, they’re at 17.2%. As I don’t think there has been time for any mass dumbening of the Finnish people, I can only blame the economic downturn and the tendency of people to latch to whatever seems comforting when the times get tough. And what’s more comforting than a populist yelling all’s the fault of someone else, and things are simple, actually, and some mythical nationalistic grit, flavored with a disunited hodge-podge of every possible rightist and leftist cliche, will get us back into der uncomplicated Happy Days of der Finnish Dream when everyone was white, straight, honest and went into the church every single fucking Sunday and there were none of these darkies around. (Must not mention Weimar Germany… oh for fuck’s sake, must not mention… these small-minded bastards are not worthy!)
A final illustration, probably worth more than all of the spittle above:
In a TV show the kind of a caricature that crowds the True Finn ranks is your typical fat balding xenophobe neighbor uncle that would encounter that which he abhors in an episode of thirty minutes or less: he’d force-meet a foreigner, a Muslim, a gay atheist librul hippie academic, and so encountering realize them’s just people too, and his prejudices are exaggerated and silly, and he would be reformed.
In reality that encounter never happens, and then these yahoos go and vote for the True Finns.
* * *
PS. (post scriptum, not Perussuomalaiset!) One may ask where I stand on the political landscape, after I’ve made so clear where I don’t.
I think I’m somewhere on the leftie side. Free schooling for everyone, more taxes, a eunuch nanny state and tentacle porn for all!
PPS. Might as well air another part of my disgust for these chaps. It’s not just that they have these stupid, heartless and/or ruthlessly romantic views; it’s that ten years ago, when I was eighteen, I was just like them. I refer to that as the “smug, prissy, ignorant prick” phase of my life; it’s what happens when you assume your opinions are right without bothering to take a close look at them.