IM Academic

Tried to write a funny-post about a maths department using Twitter to excess. This failed as I know quite nothing about how that system works.

Then wrote a vision of academicals using IM instead. Enjoy and/or scream in the sure knowledge that it’ll be like this very, very soon.

* * *

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) Coffee break?

GradSlave005: Heck yes. Getting nothing done anyway.

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) Shh! Someone might hear!

GradSlave005: (@GradSlave002) Oy. Sorry. You without anything useful, too?

DeptChairMan: (@ProfSlash) Jack, done evaluating McGoof’s thesis?

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) Hey, listen to this. Guess the old boys forgot privacy settings again.

ProfSlash: MILLSTONE!!!

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) ?

ProfSlash: (@AssMillstone) Assistant Millstone, I clearly recall giving you a paper to get to the Chairman last Thursday. Answer.

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) Just a mo.

DeptChairMan: (@ProfSlash) Jack?

ProfSlash: (@DeptChairMan, AssMillstone) Just a moment, Chairman. I’m looking into it.

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) Oh, now. Sorry, had to finish the slope, get to the lift.

ProfSlash: (@AssMillstone) Geometry? What is this crap?

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) No. Holiday. Skiing. Alp. Remember? Oy, the paper if not w/ chair then forgot to my room. Sry.

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) Oh, he’s really gonna get it now.

ProfSlash: (@AssMillstone) Imbecile! That was McGoof’s thesis evaluation — Chair needs it right now!

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) Foresight FAIL.

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) Agh. Loch has spare key.

ProfSlash: Loch!

ProfSlash: (@AssLoch) Loch! Where are you!

AssLoch: (@ProfSlash) Wha?

ProfSlash: (@AssLoch) Millstone’s room key. To me. Right now.

AssLoch: (@ProfSlash) Um, it’s complicated —

HotChickWife007 (@AssLoch) Come back to bed, darling.

DeptChairMan: (@ProfSlash) I’m waiting, Jack.

ProfSlash: (@AssLoch) Key. Me. Now. Or I’ll spill a certain detail about a certain lemma, supposedly proven by you —

AssLoch: (@ProfSlash) Okay okay. Give me ten mins to get my things together.

HotChickWife007: (@AssLoch) Dahling? Who’re you talking with? Come back; we don’t have much time before my husband comes back.

AssLoch: (@HotChickWife007) Sorry honey. I’ll nip to university; be back in twenty min. Keep oven hot.

HotChickWife007: (@HotChickWife005) “Sorry honey. I’ll nip to university; be back in twenty min. Keep oven hot.” He f—ng does this every single time. f—ng workaholic.

HotChickWife005: (@HotChickWife007) All men are bastards.

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) It’s great view from up here! Come here, pussycat!

ProfSlash: (@AssMillstone) What.

AssMillstone: (@ProfSlash) Sorrywrongname. Hit wrong button. Sorry.

ProfLoom: EUREKA! This is the discovery of the century!

ProfJaw: (@ProfLoom) What? Need co-author?

ProfLoom: Oh. Hölder doesn’t have a sum. Sod. Sod this all I’m off to get wasted. Whiskey ho!

DeptChairMan: (@ProfLoom) All notes like that go only to HigherMathPersonnelDigitalisUni, Steve! Think of the students!

ProfLoom: (@ProfJaw) Sod the students.

DeptChairMan: (@ProfLoom) I heard that, Steve.

ProfLoom: Screw this new shit. I’m at Bar Theta if anyone needs me.

DeptChairMan: (@ProfLoom) Steve!

DeptChairMan: (@ProfLoom) Steve?

DeptChairMan: (@ProfLoom) Steve…

DeptChairMan: (@MathPplAndStudsDigitalisUni) Previous messages from Prof. Loom a technological mishap; maybe virus. Update your virus defs ASAP.

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) I can haz kwik lie?

AssLoch: (@ProfSlash) Okay, found Millstone’s key. Now what?

ProfSlash: (@AssLoch) Bring it to me post haste. I’m getting cranky.

AssLoch: (@AssLoch) You’re always cranky, you old bastard.

AssLoch: (@GradSlave002) Get here! I’ve something you should get to Slash.

GradSlave005: (@GradSlave002) Ha! I’ll be at the coffee room when S&L stop ping-ponging you — if L doesn’t whop a load of haste work on you.

GradSlave002: (@GradSlave005) …

GradSlave002: (@AssLoch) Coming coming.

(Oh, this post was inspired by the flash-tracking Twitter hordes at Bad Astronomy.)

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