One flu over the pig’s nest

So, swine flu.

Now called “influenza A” since, apparently, some people are only half a step away from lobbing grenades into pig-stys. (Stys? Sties?)

Probably the name is pronounced “influenza aaaaah!”; would seem to fit the mood.

This space is left empty to note the fact that all “swine flew” jokes are told already.

Finland celebrated Vappu today, the First of May, traditionally the celebration of workers, students and lefties — traditionally so, but nowadays one of the best excuses for everyone to get plastered. (Note: Workers, students and certain leftie types are, traditionally, very archetypal getting-plastered types — coincidence? I think not. Whereas them bosses, profs and reich-wingers are more upright, uptight and porcine.)

I evacuated myself out of the city for the weekend — I don’t have the necessary tolerance for drunken students. Or for political buffoonery, where the same savings course (“Talk is cheap; actions cost money!”) goes on ever and ever.

Also thought up the perfect political slogan today: “This cannot go on! Forwards for change with a firm grasp on our common traditions!” (In Finnish, “Tämä meininki ei voi jatkua! Kohti muutosta perinteitä kunnioittaen!”)

Will fit any party, any cause, any occasion. Very reasonable prices.

And speaking of causes — oh, how often politicians try to act all courageous speaking up for causes no-one would ever oppose. If I had the free time, I would start a party that was for more unemployment, less protection for the working man, and less benefits for the poor.

In addition, to get the working man’s vote, a death penalty to anyone with the income of over one million a year. And to get the student vote — a difficult task — something truly radical: Every chancellor and rector of every university naked and paddled once a month! Every man a king!

(A closing thought — Masks of Eris mentions swine flu: how many hits of “swine flu masks” will come? For those that come, please remember that putting a piece of bacon inside the mask will triple your safety. Or you can just do away with the mask (if you’re just thinking about it now, they’re probably all sold out already) and instead just staple a piece of bacon over your mouth. This is the Internet, your source of precise and reliable medical advice!)

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