Once again, what do you want?

Well, once again Google has led searchers to me; and should they come again this way, I eagerly offer them these answers to their queries:

the problem of forgetting jesus — “Oh frak! He’s still in the trunk! And we forgot the air holes!” (From the in-development-hell buddy movie “Mikey and Jay-zuz”, pitched as “when Fargo meets the Gospel of Matthew”.)

erotic wrestling masks — “For the final time — no Mickey Mouse! Our audience isn’t that fetish-y!”

useful finnish phrases — Well, mostly “Mitä helvettiä?” (“What the f—k?”; emphasis on the second word), “Sanokaa nyt joku jotain!” (“Please someone say something!”) and “Tahdon ostaa sähkölämmitetyt villa-alushousut.” (“I would like to purchase a pair of electrically heated woollen underpants.”)

Chalk gun — Ah, the academic lecturer’s necessity. Go here.

agonized screams — Just go to a biologist and ask about Michael Behe. Tee-hee.

poem about poe — Well:

Two atheists saw a web-site
One said OMG stupid theist LOL
The other noticed the joke;
By Poe, it’d been hard to say
Hadn’t it been for Lev. 19:19!

Don’t look for rhymes; there are none. I can write English, but I’m not so good in speaking it, and if you don’t speak it well, you don’t do rhyming poetry.

random finnish phrases — Okay: “Rehtori istui synkässä tornissaan, katsoen yli yliopiston. Jossain kaukana alhaalla, kaukana rehtorin kuparilla vuoratun säteilynkestävän toimiston alapuolella, bolognisoidut perustutkinto-opiskelijat ja palkatun henkilökunnan jäsenet juoksentelivat ympäriinsä, täyttäen päivänsä tarkoituksettomalla hosumisella. Rehtori puhalsi savua sieraimistaan ja hymyili.”

(That goes for: “The Rector sat in his dark tower, looking over the university. Somewhere far below, far beneath the Rector’s radiation-resistant, copper-insulated office, Bolognized undergraduate students and members of the hired staff ran in circles, filling their days with meaningless flailing-around. The Rector blew smoke out of his nostrils and smiled.” That’s from my epic masterpiece “A Day at the University”; the Rector is a character somewhere between Smaug the Magnificent and Darth Vader, and tends to eat pigeons raw and alive. It’s one of those “somewhat based on reality” novels.)

eris was a troll — She. Was. Not. Well, unless you mean an Internet-troll; then the characterization is surprisingly adept. But goats, especially ones that come in threes, she isn’t interested in. (Goats-something-ex in an Internet setting, with a revolting picture, is then again something different. That link is safe, by the way. Trust me. I am not someone that would shock others just for the sweet, delicious thrill of it, am I?)

weirdest religion ever — How about the one where they ritually eat their god, and say life is hard because a woman made from a man’s rib was lured into eating a mystical fruit by a magical talking snake?

If that was not enough; well, I’ve done this before. (The numbers are for month/year.)

11/07 Hit!

12/07 I don’t want to think of unlicensed undertakers

04/08 What do you want?

06/08 Who are you? What do you want? (comment spam)

01/09 What do you want?

03/09 Seek, and ye shall… er, what are you looking for?

04/09 There’s a great book in this (comment spam)

04/09 They seemed almost human, redux (more on comment spam)

04/09 Tales to answer query hits (This is a bit different, and better than the others.)

I guess this is an extreme example of the user-generated content stuff I keep hearing about…

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