Bozomen

Urgh.

If this is the future, I don’t want any part in it. “City in Montana requires job applicants to hand over all social network logins and passwords for background checks“, tells Boing Boing:

The requirement is included on a waiver statement applicants must sign, giving the City [of Bozeman] permission to conduct an investigation into the person’s “background, references, character, past employment, education, credit history, criminal or police records.”

“Please list any and all, current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc.,” the City form states. There are then three lines where applicants can list the Web sites, their user names and log-in information and their passwords.

Isn’t that nice? If you refuse to fork over all, you’re a liar and, furthermore, happy times if you are found out. If you comply, well, you get something like a mental rape — and I do not use that r-word lightly here. (Unlike the sex references that soon follow.) This is more than a background check: in essence, either lie to us or tell us all your pursuits, even the anonymous ones, even the inconsequential dirty little ones no-one else knows, and let us rifle through all you’ve written and thought, all you’ve associated with and commented on — not like a visitor, but like an owner.

In a sick way that’s brilliant — if you want to fire someone later, find the Sailor Moon fansite they failed to mention and say they withheld information which created a fatal deficit of trust and so on. (I have no idea if that would be legal, but I can so easily see it.)

If I lived in Bozeman, I’d fish up a few forums where gardening tools, peanut butter jelly, LaTeX and personal sexual preferences meet and collide in amateur prose and pictures, and list them all. Let the fact-checkers drink their fill of the most toxic effluvia the Internet has to offer. Heck, I’d fish out every single Twilight fan forum in existence and register in all of them just to give the nice drones of the dread city of Bozeman something to wade through. I’d create a schizoid personality that, with perfect sincerity, trumpeted in each forum a different personal philosophy and political preference — and a different set of explicitly detailed sexual fetishes, either obscure, icky, nonsensical or distressingly vague. (“Mmm, I just love state bozemen. They’re so gruff and lean, and they’re panthers on the net.”)

If I could find the names of the likely fact-checkers, I’d repeatedly drop curiously similar names to pieces of erotic, scrotum-wrinkling, eye-destroying daydreaming.

Because while idiots have every right to be that, I keep to myself the full right to tweak them for it.

One Response to “Bozomen”

  1. Bob O'H Says:

    Hey, why not get a job as a fact checker? The potential for abuse is incredible. Log in, and change everybody’s password, and then ….

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