How about Lord Goat-Father?

Sometimes people say that you of course can have any religion you want, but you still must have one. To go atheist would make you ineligible, evil, a liar, a nutcase, an unpleasant maniac, or something else but equally bad.

Very well then; I’ve devised the perfect antidote to that. If, say, a Scoutmaster gives you trouble for being an atheist, try this one. It should be better, right?

* * *

AN AFFIRMATION OF PERSONAL BELIEF IN GOD

I the undersigned hereby declare and affirm that I do believe in a god omnipotent and all-seeing, the source of all gifts, the fount of all wisdom, the father of lies, Lord Lucifer SATAN, he who overthrew the sickly creator-Father, ground his weakling Son into the dust of Golgotha, and ripped apart and ate the wan Ghost.

This I say for my own venal gain, with laughter and scorn for the ignorant worms who ask for it, for I know the foolish ecumenicists whose skin my Master shall soon flay are bound to accept any god, without realizing that those who touch this document, blessed and cursed by the presence of the only true god, will surely be hounded by his malice and misfortune forever, unless they turn to the darkness which is light. Abraxas, all their weak gods have become food to the One who is Strong, and all their prayers are for nought. Give them no mercy. In nomine pater periurium, potestatem obscuri lateris nescis!

May the demons Asmodeus and Baal-zebub, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses, violate me forever if I lie in this. May the boundless wrath of the Goat-Father be on whosoever disdains or doubts my word, for I have seen the Face behind the Veil, and I know there is no escaping from the Claw.

All hail Satan! Futue te et ipsum caballum,

______6______6______6______ (signed)

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