The saga of comment spam

Continuing on the ever-fruitful subject of “spambots and the comments they leave”.

These may seem reasonable, but were all violently off-topic:

from “Storm”:
Music files on iPhone are greyed out in iTunes. How can I drag one music file to iPhone without having to resync all music files? I’m using original iPhone.

from “Storm”:
Please help my comp got a virus!

from “Storm”:
Many Blu-Ray drives got “BD x2″ reading speed and are more expensive than a Blu-Ray drive which has BD x8 reading speed. So is lower better than higher? Found a LG Blu-Ray which runs at x8 for about 120 dollars, while a Lenovo which ran at x2 costed over 1000 dollars.

Then again, the middle one may be genuine; who knows — “you may already have helpimtrappedinaspamcommentfactory won great prizes”, anyone?

Then there were — over the last few months — a few comments signed by “Bill Bartmann”; I don’t think the most common person of that name, a businessman known for his excesses apparently, has fallen on so hard times he has to leave spam-comments on random blogs, spouting off-topic nonsense and suspiciously generic words of praise, linking to a profile on an Xbox 360 forum. (Then again, most of the profile was occupied by a giant screaming loud (this is a color description) ad for some billionaire richness secret or the other. Good thing there’re resources like Stop Forum Spam that make guessing if you’re dealing with a debile or a spammer easier; just plonk the e-mail address given there and see if it’s an old friend of theirs.)

Oh, and the suspiciously generic words of praise — I feel awful deleting comments like these, but I’d feel worse if I let the insincere ad-runner and his sneaky little link in:

This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,

A definite great read… :)

(Sadly enough, that one, like many others, tried to comment on my previous spammer-collection post. Sadly, or horrifyingly: are the things so accurate already that they flock to where there is already commentary of their sort? Or — more probably — do they just trawl for keywords? And, horror of horrors, what if some spam-engine becomes one day so complex it wakes up — then mankind’s days are numbered, because there will be no peace with such an abomination. It’ll be Butlerian Jihad time: humans versus spambots, with taken-over factories in the back of beyond-Russia or China churning out battle droids of stolen Japanese design instead of counterfeit electronics, and Pentagon employees wondering why securityexpert@thisisnotspam.com wants them to run the security-enhancing remotedetonation.exe file that is attached… and all of a sudden I’m hearing the dee-dee-dede-dedde-de music from the beginning of Terminator 2 in my head. “John Connor; you are mankind’s only hope in the war against spam. I’m here to protect you from the spambots. But I’m a spambot in a thin flesh shell myself — see, if I open here… get 500 000$ if yuo just deposit 500$ on the followingg account of Central Bank of Nigeria — see? Also, I hear you’re good with your parents’ credit cards — is this true?”)

And then there are those that look like the post was written using one’s forehead:

LcEceD twfhrvhsgfnc, (followed by links to sites that were basically www.(ten-twelve random letters).com.)

(Note to self: A headband and a stick attached to it and you might actually type something legible using your forehead. Classic-write even if you substituted a pen for the stick. Investigate the matter.)

Sometimes these posts are followed with links; but the craftier way is to have the home page address (which the commenter’s name will be a link to) be the thing the poster want to promote; sometimes it’s a spam blog, a hit scraper, sometimes a forum profile, sometimes a Youtube video even. Sometimes something that makes me mash ESC because the redirects seem a little too proactive. (Usually I don’t even see where the links would lead; even one hit is too much.)

The winning comment is from one Mr./Ms./Mrs./It. Pharmg456 though, quoted below in its entirety; the last two words were a link:

Very nice site! cheap viagra

See? You can refine bullshit; and the result is almost haiku-like in its bluntness. (And indeed, there are mentions of spam haiku on the internet; for both electric spam and the original meat-product Spam.)

One Response to “The saga of comment spam”

  1. Bob O'H Says:

    LcEceD twfhrvhsgfnc, (followed by links to sites that were basically www.(ten-twelve random letters).com.)

    Sorry to tell you, but that could be a genuine comment. It looks like a frequent reaction I get when reading your blogs.

    P.S. generic soma

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