An order of Dis

Naughty e-mail program.

Shows this much of a post title: “Your Amazon.co.uk order has dis”.

I spend the eternity between click and load trying to come up with any word that fits except “disappeared”.

Or “disapparated”. “Disembodied the handler”? “Discombobulated my mind”? “DISINTEGRATED LONDON”?

Then I see it’s “dispatched”.

“Your order has dispatched”? Either (or rather probably) this is postal-speak, the sub has surfaced and the like, or then you should say “Your order has been dispatched”, right? I don’t even know what an order dispatching itself is supposed to look like — an order exploding, or an order growing hair, or even disintegrating, yes; but self-dispatching implies autonomy that I won’t have in books I order. That’s for Evil Dead and Discworld!

Probably I’ll see my Amazon.co.uk order taking a smoke break and a glass of whiskey next. “Instead of books, we sent you this malignant dwarf; he dispatched himself. Shop again!”

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