Dangling legal bits

All opinions expressed here are those of my employers. If they won’t otherwise express any positions on lolcats, they shall have mine.

All characters appearing in this work are true. It’s all true! They rabbits, they tole me in my dreams, they tole me everything! coincidental.

By clicking “Submit” you agree that BigCorp is entitled to modify, improve, deimprove, excarnate, incarnate, discontinue or terminate you or any of your relations at its sole discretion and without prior or posterior notice to you. All hail Satan! Any further rights not specifically granted herein are reserved.

You understand and agree that your use of this software is entirely at your own risk and the software is provided “as is” and “as Lucifer wills it”. This includes total abjuration of any legal redress for any damage to your data, hardware, person, possessions or relations, whether they be the result of floods of maggots or brimstone-reeking shadows or some other cause related or unrelated to this software. (Yes, this means you can’t sue anyone over any damages once you have clicked “Submit”. If you happen to read this later, well, our organ harvesters are on the way. Please stay calm and do not harm your organs; they are precious to us.)

BigCorp reserves the right to modify these terms from time to time at its sole discretion and without any notice. This may include ex post facto modifications; it will certainly include those if you bring on a lawsuit. It also includes the insertion into these terms of your confession for any and all crimes, atrocities, misdemeanors and sympathy-sapping opinions BigCorp wishes to include, including bloody acts based on paranormal visions of unsavory nature, physically impossible feats of century-spanning lawbreaking and/or giraffe-rape with Elvis. Also the deaths of Jimmy Hoffa, JFK, RFK, MLK and the substitution of a Satanic double for LBJ, FDR, Mother Teresa, Howard Taft, and an innocent baby of BigCorp’s choice; plus many other exciting and highly titillating possibilities. This, too, may come up and get public if you try to sue. Bring it on, customer worm.

That’s what I think whenever I see a legal bit anywhere.

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