Do you ever wonder how many Christians know more details of zombies than of their brand’s vision of Heaven and Hell? (“Oh, they can be destroyed by going for the head. But whether they rot away otherwise or just keep on going — well, in Romero, Brooks and King — what? I haven’t heard of no stinkin’ Purgatory!”)

Do you ever wish you had paper with a watermark reading “HELPIMTRAPPEDINAPAPERFACTORY”? (Do you ever wish you could use it for handouts to dozens and dozens of students… just so that one of them would have an eerie evening upon raising it by chance against a light?)

Do you ever think microwave ovens, dryers and other beeping appliances should have the option for different “ringtones”? (Do you think there would be puns… oh wait, of course there would be. Oh the horror.)

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