Ragamuf the Prophet

What follows is what goes through my mind every time a movie (especially the voiceover of a post-apocalyptic one) invokes prophecies of a Savior for Downtrodden People X.

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The following is translated from the Secret Book of Scud, the Scribe of Ragamuf the Prophet, Who Prophesied That A Savior and A Messiah Would Come To The Little People To Free Them From The Bondage Of The Malician Empire, end title, which was made true 501 years after the prophecy by the arrival of the reluctant violent loner in a black trenchcoat.

And I walked with the Prophet one day to the Pool of Yellow, and I asked him: “O ancient and powerful one, you have often spoken of this Savior who shall come. Why should you not tell me when he shall come? Our people are impatient and hate their malicious masters. They yearn to be free.”

And the Prophet he said: “I know not the hour of his coming.”

I mulled this, and then spoke: “How can that be? Are ye not the Prophet For Whom All Future Is Laid Bare? How can ye know the Savior shall come, yet not know the hour, yea verily even the second of his coming?”

And the Prophet answered: “It is mightily complicated.”

I requestioned him with impious vehemence, and was with impiety answered. He spoke words no other shall ever hear, for it is with me only that the Prophet shows his human capacity for exasperation and anger. Which he often does.

And he the Prohet said to me: “Sod you then, you fool. I shall tell you all. I know camel-shite of any Savior; I have never seen a copulation worth of him. I made up the lot so the little people should have hope; eventually some poor bastard shall come and they shall call him the Savior, and if he overthrows the Empire thereby and with that added vigor all shall be fine, milk and honey and free beer; and if not, they shall wait for the next one. With these rubes what you prophesy shall happen, because there is time everlasting and prophecies only get more old and venerable with time, ye shriveled genital of a donkey of a scribe. And tell not one else of this; for they would not believe you, for you are known as a dud.”

Whereby he laughed in the most wild and horrible manner, and I was struck dumb.

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