My awful mistake

Last week was really hot here in Finland; 25 degrees Celsius (77 Fahrenheit?) or more. So hot that I broke, I wimped out, and bought a heretofore unnecessary item: a fan.

No, not the one that goes “flap flap flap” when you wave it.

Not the one that goes “Gee, Mr. Masks of Eris, you’re so awesome!” either.

No, but the one that goes round and round and makes a minor hurricane.

Now I am being punished for my presumption; Mother Finland does not take kindly to those that act as if a momentary break in the Great Cold is all unbearable and horrid. You’re supposed to endure the Great Cold, and the occasional unnatural warm spell you’re supposed to hate and endure without seeking any relief except griping and knifefights. (See “Finnish psychology for the unafflicted”, Konrad von Haha, London, 1932.)

But I didn’t endure.

And so it’s 10 degrees Celsius (50 Fahrenheit), squalls, and rain colder than a witch’s tit out there now, has been for this week, and seems to be intent on continuing to be so: summer as usual. My fan is useless, except for acquiring pneumonia and scaring South Korean exchange students maybe.

So if you’re in Finland, or anywhere on the northern hemisphere, and your summer becomes cold and rainy with a side dish of falling frozen chunks of polar bears swept up into the chilling, tearing windy heights by unseasonal updrafts, if nudists get clothed by patches of frost accumulating on their pubic hairs, if you get mugged by a gang of reindeer that’s come for your space heater and blankets, if you see wild-eyed men stalking the streets muttering “the winter is coming! Just as the book, the winter is coming!” — then remember, it’s probably my fault.

2 Responses to “My awful mistake”

  1. Bob O'H Says:

    I bought a fan when I was living in Helsinki. based on the differences in our experiences, your mistake was to take it out of the box.

  2. Iason Ouabache Says:

    I would kill for 77 F to be considered “hot”. On a lot of summer nights around here that would be the low for the day. With about 85% humidity. I’d move further north but I hate snow more than I hate the heat.

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