Which Lord of the Rings character are you?

This post includes only the end persona of my proposal for an example of the hoary “who are you” quiz; a look at the personas should explain why working out the questions would be, eh, pushing it.

* * *

Saruman — You are proud, and that pride will lead to your downfall. An unwise choice of company will ruin you, and your pride will leave you friendless; don’t be surprised if you are stabbed in the back.

Sauron — You are evil. Everyone hates you. All your friends are ugly and stupid and even they don’t really like you; see the previous sentence about everyone hating you. The day you finally kick it will be, and this is not a metaphor, a public holiday to be celebrated for centuries.

Denethor — You are a paranoid control freak that has given up. Now you just want to see your personal world burn, because you’re too weak to change it, and too proud to let others have a try. You’re going to shudder in your diapers (probably also unchanged) as everything goes to hell in a handbasket, and the only decision left to you is whether to kill yourself or to let others do even that job for you.

Theoden — You are senile. You have betrayed all you hold dear, and the only way to redemption is in finding someone you can assault so you at least die with your boots on and your teeth on the floor. Unless a horse falls on you and kills you, of course.

Gorbag — You are a murderous thief. Also stupid, ugly, friendless and soon to be stabbed to death by someone much like you. How does that make you feel?

Gothmog (this one) — You may be the hero of your own life, but the only mention of you in the annals of history will be a single instance of your name. Nothing of you will remain save that one mention much more unkind than utter oblivion, and if you ever appear in a movie or a play, your name will be on some ridiculous bit player mutant who is nothing like you. As you are no doubt stupid, ugly and unlikable, that may be an improvement, though.

Snaga — You are a loser even among other losers. Not only malodorous, vicious, stupid and unlikable, you are also weak, cowardly and generally speaking useless. Most doorstops would beat you in usefulness and IQ both. No one will ever love you.

* * *

What? Frodo who?

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