Them old sour gripes

Turns out there are no content creators anywhere anymore. There are just people who want to create amazing content; a Nokia press release told me so.

Also, no-one watches net videos anymore. They enjoy them. Or possibly experience, perhaps vividly, the sight of a boy hit in the groin with a rake. (Title: “Xtreme Bullying 101”?) There are no boring, stupid videos to be seen anywhere: every site is about videos you love, or can love or will love; it is implied you cannot watch any other kind. Who knew there were such strict restrictions in place; who knew the tube attitude was not one of benign indiscrimination but baleful cheer.

Also, every Facebook user must be a happy camper, as they and all other social media users always use devices to connect to their favorite social networks. What happiness! No-one connects to places they hate but are stuck in because their friends and colleagues are there! The new phone measures your blood pressure, and if it is rising, you cannot log in! And if you doubt this, fie! for the device is perfect for doing these things! Not even God himself, with Linus Torvalds and Donald Knuth by His side, could do better! This creation is the ultimate obedient slave, which will serve the customer’s needs for connecting with people — you know, you can make phone calls with it. It is attractive, too, though what it attracts remains unknown; dust possibly; and it is premium, which is the electronics equivalent of quantum.

Personally, I’d rather be hit in the groin with a rake than listen to sniveling shaded press release modifiers like these. Which, given that I’ve written this post, must mean there was no rake around.

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