Peeking once again into the spam filter

From a lengthy diatribe by Mr. “stovepatluple”:

These determined sports shoes serve to salt water outdoor sports in specific because of the facetious adam’s ale friendly material it is made of. When I go canoeing, I in use accustomed to to either go with my uncover feet or slippers, but was forever having problems with both. Being unclad footed meant that I authority grab burn sooner than any debris that may share when I escort on the sand or in the unsound while getting in or obsolete of my canoe. When I have on slippers, at times it really gets in the trail when my feet sink in the ooze during low-lying tide. It was when my slipper got stuck when I knew I had to go off an outdoor sports relaxation shoes. I decided to deliberate on of it as a cyclopean investment as it would by way of gambler and cleaner feet.

And so we learn there are no barriers to hawking; no, not even a merely dictionary-level command of the language of the sell is a barrier. (Mind you, “authority grab burn” can be pretty nasty. That’s why you should never run away from a dean. Instead back away slowly, and for the love of empty heavens don’t look it in the eye. The terrible all-seeing single eye. Which beholds all. While the tentacles squirm.)

From the aptly named Mr. “i like car rims”:

hi do you like car rims?

No. I hate car rims. They are an abomination. An anathema. A thing that should not be. You have been added to the fatwa award list of the Jihad Against Car Rims, Mr. “i like car rims”. You’re gonna find a burning car rim on your lawn very soon… maybe that’ll teach you to mess with unclean things. Do you know for every rim you take, God kills a kitten for. Renounce car rims today, and get a free kitten! For your free kitten, write to JACR; the address is: the Office of the Supreme Mullah, Mohammed Street 1, Mecca, Saudi Arabia…

From Mr. “Lou Vandel”, who should know better than to go around asking this kind of a thing from strangers:

Hi do you know if it would be safe to put hemorrhoid cream (like Preparation H) on keloid scars to reduce the swelling and pain? My keloid scars are from heart surgery 3 years ago.

“Sure! Just hook your nuts to a car battery first… of course I’m comfortable giving medical advice. Why would you have asked me otherwise? Now stop complaining and get the trout back in your mouth; the cement in drying already.”

This, and nothing else, from Mr. “Antique Wholesale”:

All you need to do is to lightly sand the cement floor.

It seems like an easy thing indeed, Mr. “Antique Wholesale”, but is that really all I have to do to find the girl, academic position and desktop wallpaper of my dreams? Then again, maybe there’s more to cement than meets the eye, since Mr. “Garden Books” had advice which makes cement seem like some kind of a charming sex object:

This helps to open the pores of the cement and penetration is more precise.

Then again, if you’re humping cement, who cares about precision? Discovery, yes, but precision?

From Mr. “weight”, who clearly does not know the rabbit-spirits of my ancestors shelter me from all evil eyes:

i see what you did there

No. You did not. Because Snaggletooth Carotene and Uncle Carotid Red, their long ears keep prying eyes away from me. And my hamsters in little tiny Stukas would have seen you with their x-ray specs in their teeth!!! Teeth like round pink tombstones!!! Who says I am paranoid???

From Mr. “Meta Luiso”, who (I suppose) overestimates either the kindness or the sexual fetishism inherent in man:

Wow! Really awesome post came across it on Google. This aricle is extremely intriguing. You seem to be a very experienced writer I’m actually new to blogging and I recently created a page about Man Boobs. If your not busy I could really use some feedback on it. Thanks again!! .

When life gives you spam… rip out the links to their ugly little sites and make fun of what remains.

One Response to “Peeking once again into the spam filter”

  1. Bob O'H Says:

    You need a better spam filter. Perhaps.

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