Church memory

Sometimes things seems to work like this —

1930 — The Church has always been for women not being second-class citizens. Even if they’re a tad flighty, eh, nudge nudge, old boy? Verra central in the Bible, and Jesus said so. Had plenty of girls round him, right-o? And natchurally people of color and we white people are equal in the eyes of the Lawd, in the eyes of the Lawd way of speaking; just have faith that there’s a distinction there. And democracy… well, it’s okay, provided people understand such things don’t need to go everywhere. Not like the non-male non-white non-Christian types have much to say anyway, eh? A hur hur! Science, now, that’s complex thing. Lots of stuff in it. Funny looking rocks mostly, I understand. Keep talkin’ and look what happens; might be this evolutiomationary thing’s not all that hot really. But this “free speech” thing, we don’t need no such thing. If someone wants to say something offensive, why should my little lady’s ears be burdened with it?

1960 — The Church has always been for the equality of races and sexes. That all human beings, save atheists sodomites and dirty furriners, are equal before God is a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! Democracy among us civilized people is indispensable, naturally; have faith in God and in democracy, and all with work out. The Church is for science, provided people understand there are lots of things men are not meant to know. Hey! You godless Darwinist, gedda oudda Miss-siss-sippah! Erm, sorry. Free speech is a complex issue with many faces to it; too complex for you actually, so thus this book is banned. Must be so, for your neighbors think so; and they are decent folks. And in closing: it is an abomination unto the Lawd for a man to love a man as a man loves a woman.

1990 — The Church has always been for democracy and human rights. Universal human rights are a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! Science is indispensable; and it can never be in conflict with faith. (Possibly not even in contact!) The Church is for free speech, fight the power, yo, provided people understand to respect all things holy and shiny and older than they. This is my Jesus; you can’t touch this, you atheist type. Gay marriage is a complex issue with many faces to it. Jesus said, I am the way and no-one comes to the Father save by me.

2020 — The Church has always been for science. Remember the great religious scientists, like Giordano Bruno and Galileo Galilei! Science is a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! Free speech is indispensable; and it can never be in conflict with faith. The Church is all for gay marriage, provided people understand to respect the Church and don’t get too gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but… but just don’t.) The question of a “right religion” is a complex issue with many faces to it; this Hell thing is antiquated, really. You’re not going there even if you’re a Buddhist or a… ick… an atheist. But there is a God! For sure! Promise!

2050 — The Church has always been for free speech. Free speech is a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! Say what you want! Even about Jesus! And gay marriage, marriage for everyone, is indispensable, has always been; and it can never be in conflict with faith. The Church is all for everyone choosing their own path, own religion or none; don’t matter if it’s not ours; just don’t shit on our space lawn okay? The question of God’s existence is a complex issue with many faces to it.

2080 — The Church has always been for gay marriage. Marriage for all regardless of race, creed or sexual orientation is a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! And choosing your own way is indispensable, the very heart of religion; such a thing can never be in conflict with true faith; St. Morbo says so. The Church is all for there being no God; it’s no biggie; just don’t… don’t say it, okay?

2110 — The Church has always been for choosing your own way! Believe what you want is a central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus! But here in the church, not believing in a God is indispensable, the very heart of modern religion; the eternal ethical teachings of religion have nothing whatsoever to do with this silly God character.

2140 — The Church has always been for space-atheism. Space-atheism and humanist ethics, a compassion centred on us being human, peace and love, are the central value of the Bible, as taught by Jesus!

2170 — The Church… wait, how come you all agree with the Church about everything? About all the things the Church has always taught? It’s… Oh. Oh, hallelujah! The evangelical mission is over! All Earth and adjacent planets are converted! Now it is the time for… for the Second… for the Kingdom… oh, for tea and space crumpets I suppose.

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