Clumping problems

Happens to me sometimes: I read a sequence of words, and clump them into wholes the wrong way.

For example, this:

Day of The Dead Cat Skull Ceramic Necklace in Blue

I first tried to read it as

(Day of The Dead Cat) (Skull) (Ceramic Necklace in Blue)

— decided that just made no sense, and had a second go

(Day of (The Dead Cat Skull)) (Ceramic Necklace in Blue)

— and then finally it clicked:

(Day of The Dead) (Cat Skull) (Ceramic Necklace in Blue)

Makes one wonder, though, who or what a “Dead Cat Skull” would be to have a day of his, her or its own. Probably a really gritty superhero.

“I am Dead Cat Skull. I have the decency of Deadpool, the manners of the Hulk, issues the size of those of Magneto, repressed rage the size of Galactus, and the alcohol, nicotine and crap intake abilities of Wolverine. *SNIKT* Come make my day.” (His superpowers: dramatically increases the blood pressure of anyone he cuts; never drops his cigar; never blinks; never bathes; and has a constant Kill Bill soundtrack ringing round him no matter where he goes. Dead Cat Skull: the Bloodgrim Day of Midnight, from Marvel Comics, 2011.)

Another breaking bit that usually catches my eye is that the Eve of April Fools’ Day (my birthday, and no joke!) breaks as either properly

Eve of ((April Fools)’ Day)

or, in more Discordian fashion, as

(Eve of (April Fools))’ Day;

this here Eve would indubitably be Eris, in whose memory the day of April Fools is…

What? It isn’t? Never mind, I will start a rumor it is a pagan holiday of French origin, avril l’avign, which was celebrated with nubile youngsters attending to a horned man-goat in a dark cave on the side of the Saint Michel d’Aiguilhe mountain, in the darkest heart of the witch-hills of the Massif Central; and also celebrated with assassinations of Catholic notables (Eleanor of Aquitaine, Amalric II of Jerusalem, Baldwin I of Jerusalem, Holy Roman Emperor Richard of Cornwall, Arthur Tudor who would have been King of England instead of the vile heretic Reformationist splitter rutting beast Henry VIII had he sainted Arthur lived but no the bastards they killed him, and at least 54 Catholic bishops and three Popes), infidelities and blasphemies of all kinds, from which the current pranks. Hollywood didn’t tell you that, did it? Do you know infidelities are 1500% more common on the First of April? It’s a Satanic conspiracy! And arsons, thefts and vandalism targeting Catholic churches are 500% more frequent than is usual for a normal day in this already horrible and depravedly anti-Catholic age! There’s a part of this stunningly duplicitous hate-fest of bigotry that the Hollywood didn’t tell you! They wouldn’t celebrate the anniversary of the — mph, gmph — hands off! I am not mad! A rumor of murder’s as good as a genocide! — would they! No! They wouldn’t celebrate that, the duplicitous bigots! Of hate!

If you don’t know that, well, neither does Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, yet.

One Response to “Clumping problems”

  1. Samuel Baldwin Says:

    Linguists call these misclumps ‘crash blossoms’; language log has a bunch of hilarious ones: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=118

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