My pitch for a Saturday morning cartoon show

Here’s some heroine!

Claudia Maudia is no common girl — she’s several! A divine light being called the Authority saved seven souls from the Nirvana Zone and re-incarnated them into Claudia’s head, all at once! Now she’s not only Claudia Maudia, a peppy high school cheerleader honors student, but also —

  1. Sam Hahnemann, genius scientist and inventor of homeopathy! His ability is the total control of all aspects of modern medicine! Plus there is no lock nor door that can bar the way of… the Homeopathic Ghost Visitor!
  2. Danny-Okay, two-gun Montana freedom fighter who stood up to the government and was taxed down! His ability is the handling of all guns and explosives, and a boundless love of liberty and his several spirit wives!
  3. Wanderoot, medicine woman of the Hoaksi Indian tribe, and a Wa Tu Fu Crumpling Crane martial artist! Her ability is the absolute knowledge of all aspects of nature… and the nature of pain!
  4. DeKuze, the wise listening Creationist Intelligent Design advocate, who’s seen the end… of the Darwinists who threw him into a death camp! His ability is collapsing scientism, clear communication and… A REAL CRITICAL THINKER… what an idiot… (is this even a REAL NAME?) it’s over… *FRAUD* consider yourself DONE!
  5. Majicbullet-12, a truth seeker the government killed because of finding the truth of the JFK-Moon-9/11 Connection! (Elvis did it all!) His/her/its ability lies in separating the theory from the data!
  6. Madam Much Mercy, an Internet sensitive whose crystals tell of 2012 and of Mayan doom, and of a boy Claudia’s sure to marry! Or is she? On this one thing the spirits are unclear! Her power is in Nostradamian crystal knowledge of all things future and past, and a mean hand with cards and scarfs!
  7. Mr. Red, a tomato full of empathy, who gives Claudia insight into plant and animal slavery! His power is THE POWER OF LOVE! GIANT BIG SPARKLY UNICORN LOVE!

Now her mission’s clear — to heal the world 500C natural okay, to combat the intrusive government and all its shadow agencies, activist judges and community organizers, to foil money-grubbing megacorporations and to upset discredited paradigms, to punch out professors and outwit Monsanto’s gene monstrosities, and to stop the incivility of the Atheist Apocalypse — for she is no common peppy high school cheerleader honors student, but… THE KOOKPACK!

It’s funny! It’s zany! It’s full of madcap action and heartful messages of powerful love and political will! Also natural health and a warning of the evils of reason! It’s… THE KOOKPACK!

(Also starring Sarah Palin as the heroic and sassy “Theocratrix”, Glenn Beck as the erudite “Prof”, Jenny McCarthy as the glorious and strong “Indigo Queen”, David Icke as the dogged “Unmasker”, the voice of Milton William Cooper as the dashing “Nibiruman”, and Oprah Winfrey as “the Megaphone”! “The Authority” special guest voiced by a close harmony of Tom Cruise and Arianna Huffington.)

(Supplementary episode talent of the villain variety by Phil Plait as “the Bad, Bad, Bad Naughty Astronomer”, Ophelia Benson as “the Hell Butterfly”, Mike Brown as “Pluto Killer the Planetary Assassin”, Ben Goldacre as “the Guardian… of Doom!”, Richard Dawkins as “the Selfish One”, Christopher Hitchens as “the Loud Christ”, and Stephen “Man-Bear” Colbert as the infiltratious “Bearplant”! And extra special guest mytharc starring the trio of PZ Myers, Orac and Ed Brayton as the dread three-headed uncivil, insolent, cult warring “Lord Badthingness”!)

Just think of it as Loose Change meets Kim Possible.

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