On the delivery of chaos

Pick up a phone directory; dial a random number. Ask for the person listed; tell them their package is coming and would tomorrow, five-ish, be a good delivery time?

If they do not have a package coming, quit and try again. Without any knowledge of it, I’d think one-fifth of people would have something coming, or would be too disorganized to ask.

Then, well, that was all; just an idea for chaos and a long wait that popped into my head after a really blunt and quick delivery query one day, when some time later I was waiting for the courier. (“What a deal! A genuine head of Jimmy Hoffa! And it has the brain of Elvis inside!”)

Now, after a second such call, for a different package, I start to regret mentioning this idea to a friend. Though me being the origin of this idea, I’d be the only victim with no possibility of complaining.

Now, there are obvious problems with this idea, starting with the meanness of it; especially if the poor target has to rearrange things to be waiting at his door; most people have jobs and the like. (Wait; student village phone directory…)

The second problem is that, er, calling someone tends to leave a trace of your number, so at the very least you’d need to borrow a friend’s phone for this. (Er, that might not work so well either.) And a prepaid nameless SIM card is police procedural stuff; no doubt you’d end up dialing the new speaker of the Government Body, and then very determined men in black balaclavas and with guns would be jumping in through your window, ripping your closets and cavities alike open looking for guns, confederates and plans, and leaving you with no defense but this: “Eris made me do it!”

Which is a bit on the weak side if someone’s trying to give you an enema with an Uzi.

2 Responses to “On the delivery of chaos”

  1. William Lawson Says:

    “Roots are the underside of a fertile imagination. For the one to grow up, the other must grow down.”

    “Enlightenment, fed by darkness?”

    “Yes, its the requisite ‘preamble’ to all that grows…whether real or imagined, a religion or game.”

    “Oooh, that’s scary!”

    “Yes. And that’s why we recommend that you always wear one of our Liberty Blindfolds. Speaking of which, would you care to order one? If so, be sure to include your phone number so we can contact you when its ready for delivery…”


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