Eripuran lait

So (I’ve been beginning a lot of posts with “so”, so I probably should cut back on that. So, like, if I remember to.) —

So a few days ago it was the last minutes of a boring day at the university. I was sitting in my room, thinking it was twenty minutes to until the bus went by, and I had nothing to do that’d fit that spot. Thus I cast my mind around for something unofficial to do — and casting, my eyes fell to my bookshelf, to a Loeb volume of Greek mathematics to John Allen Paulos’s Mathematics and Humor to —

To a copy of the Principia Discordia (online here).

Because I haven’t gotten around to finding my three copies of the Necronomicon and putting them on that shelf. Because they’d sit even better next to that plastic life-size skull that (figuratively) greets my few visitors.

(Literally, too, if I find a bit of time and a bit of electronics.)

And so a few minutes later this had sprung out —

* * *

Otteita Malaklypse Nuoremman haastattelusta Suuremman Metropolisen Yorba Lindan Uutis-Sanoma-Kaupunki-Lehti-Keski-Tahto-Voima-Torviaura-Uutis-Länsi-Posti-Kansa-stadtbladetissa ja (Edelleen Samaa Lehteä) San Franciscon Discordiaanisen Yhteisön Ilmoittimessa, Integalaktisessa Raportterissa ja Paavaimessa.

Lehti: Oletteko te todellakin tosissanne?

Mal-2: Joskus otan huumorin vakavasti; joskus vakavan asian humoristisesti. Väliäkö tuolla.

*

Lehti: Olette kenties vain pöhkö.

Mal-2: Totta! Mutta minun pöpiyteni ei olisi syy pitää näitä opetuksia väärinä. Minä olen pöpi koska nämä opetukset ovat tosia.

*

Lehti: Eli Eris on totta?

Mal-2: Kaikki on totta.

Lehti: Jopa ne asiat jotka eivät ole totta?

Mal-2: Jopa ne asiat jotka eivät ole totta ovat totta.

Lehti: Miten ihmeessä?

Mal-2: Vitustako minä tiedän; en minä tätä keksinyt.

*

Lehti: Miksi te olette niin kiintynyt kaikenlaisiin kielto- ja käänteisilmauksiin?

Mal-2: Sulattaaksemme ne.

Lehti: Kerro toki lisää.

Mal-2: En kerro.

*

Lehti: Onko POEE:n takana jonkinlainen syvempi, äh, pointti? (Poentti?)

Mal-2: Eräs zen-tarina kertoo oppilaasta joka kysyi Mestarilta buddhalaisuuden olemusta, merkitystä, tarkoitusta, äh, pointtia. Tähän Mestari sanoi, “Kolme kiloa pellavaa!”

Lehti: Ja tuoko oli sitten vastaus?

Mal-2: Tietysti ei; pelkästään esimerkki. Vastaus kysymykseenne on VIISI TONNIA PELLAVAA!

*

(Pellavansiemenistä saa mm. Omega 3 -rasvahappoja!)

* * *

— this being a translation into Finnish of the Malaclypse the Younger interview at the beginning of the Principia.

Who knows, I may translate more and put that up on Mirrors of Eris, because though I try with the plastic skull, the world’s still much too serious. What else then but P.D., or “Kuinka löysin Jumalattaren, ja mitä sitten tein Hänelle (ollen johdatus Erisläisiin Mysteerioihin JOTKA OVAT TOSI KIINNOSTAVIA), kuten jumalallisesti tehtiin tiedettäväksi hänen ylhäisyydelleen MALAKLYPSE NUOREMMALLE (KSC), loistavimmalle kullallisneitsyyden moni-isälle ja Eris Esoteerisen Parateo-Anametamystisyydellisyyden (POEE) YLIPAPILLE”.

The thing is, I’ve grumbled a few times about the difficulty of translating well. And from the few bits I did, it seems likely the result would not be quite the same book, especially when after looking at a sentence a while I can’t even say which of the three different meanings I see it was meant to have, primarily or at all. Reminds me of an idea I once had, one about a hypothetical book so rich in its expression it would take several translations, each seemingly of an entirely different work, to adequately express it in a different language.

I’d have to guess a bit, accept the loss (or accidental survival) of the bits I just didn’t get; and sometimes translate what was said, and sometimes find a way to say something else, but still mean the same… that is to say, it would be quite a lot of fun for me; the reactions of a reader might be something else. (Simulated reaction: “What next? Will a monkey be set to smear the Mona Lisa with heaped handfuls of elephantine faeces?“)

Oh, and the title? If I was inclined to translate even that, which I am not, “Eripuran lait” would be one of the thousand almost-accurate ways to do “Principia Discordia”, or “Principles of Discord” / “Precepts of Strife”.

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