Grumble grumble. Been watching, once more, the various trailers and teasers and appetite-whetters for HBO’s Game of Thrones series.
Been cursing, also, how they are so shallow, too — though I’m not a good judge of that, I’d like nothing more than spending the ten minutes of an extended preview shooting a dusty maester droning on about the prehistory of the Andals of Westeros.
Been griping, with a bit better justification, I think, about the fact the trailers seem to be so infatuated with the idea of cities! Forts! Ice walls! Winter’s coming! Lotsa setpieces! Those are nice, no doubt, but I think it would be more intriguing, more interesting, if they said a few words about the actual plot.
No, I don’t mean what they do: “There are Starks and Lannisters, and there’s gonna be a big huge war!”
They should go for something about the people — maybe something like this — and these are not accurate facts or quotes, just what my mind threw up thinking of this —
* * *
DAENERYS: The year I was born, the usurper Robert Baratheon killed my father, my brother Rhaegar, my family. I and my brother Viserys were driven from the land.
VISERYS: We were driven away, but Robert Baratheon is a fool if he thinks the Kindred of the Dragon will be denied its rightful possessions!
ROBERT: Sixteen years ago I became the king. I sat down on the majestically uncomfortable Iron Throne the Dragon Kings had smelted from the swords of their fallen enemies. I sat down, told Ned Stark to go back north to his family, and I accepted the fealty, grudging or not, of Tully, Greyjoy, Arryn, Tyrell, Martell, the lot. And I married Cersei Lannister, who was spirited and pretty and incidentally the price I had to pay for his father’s support. Lannisters and their gold and greed and pride…
JAIME: I am Jaime Lannister, of the Kingswatch. I am this kingdom’s greatest warrior. I am the queen’s brother, the king’s companion, the jousting-field’s champion. And what do they call me? Jaime… Kingslayer! Kingslayer, said with horror in it. All for killing the mad last Dragon King. He was a monster; I killed him —
DAENERYS: — noble Aerys Targaryen, second of that name, the lawful king of Westeros, betrayed by his own Kingswatch —
NED: — and as I walked in, the guard was gone, and King Aerys was dead. The man who should have been his sworn protector, the man I should have fought, had it come to that… was there, with Aerys’s blood on his blade, lounging on the empty Iron Throne, as if it was a chair fit for an oathbreaker, and not the throne due to Robert in payment for all the injustice the Dragon King had done to his family. And when I asked the Lannister of the king’s children, he laughed and said they were not a bother anymore…
ROBERT: I am Robert Baratheon, the King of these Seven Kingdoms. Long live the king, I say!
DAENERYS: I am Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen —
VISERYS: I am Viserys Targaryen, the Young Dragon, and the Seven Kingdoms will be mine!
JAIME: I am Jaime Lannister, of a new king’s Kingswatch. They call me Jaime Kingslayer, and I know my loyalties.
CERSEI: I am Cersei, of the House of Lannister, the Seven Kingdoms’ queen. My husband Robert Baratheon is the king for now; my son, sweet kind Joffrey Lannister, will be.
STANNIS: I am Stannis Baratheon —
MELISANDRE: — the Red God’s will shall be done —
RENLY: — Baratheon, and will not allow —
BRIENNE: — I will protect my lord —
WALDER FREY: — let us make a deal —
BERIC DONDARRION: — death is no bar to justice!
SANDOR: (whispers) Kings are shit.
(a bit of silence)
NED: I am Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell. I have no desire for anything more… but Winterfell is not far enough to keep me from hearing the call of my king… my friend.
* * *
And that’s maybe one-tenth of the people who’d need to have a voice in any representative trailer! Who needs to know of ice walls and big exotic cities, when the story is about people as reactive as a flint canister of steel balls going over the Niagara!
Ah well, no use fretting — much better to note that on the front of actual real teasers, J. C. Hutchins got a pretty special one for himself.
(Also: why did I have the constant urge to write “the noble and most ancient house of Lannister”? Crossing Thrones and Harry Potter, egh.)
(So what, Tyrion Lannister maps to Sirius Black? Let us not go there.)