As recently twittered by me, that is. Because as an Erisian Pope I am officially authorized to prophesy for any and all religions and all combinations of them. (Benedict, if you’re still not getting through, call me. My rates are very reasonable.)
#2ndcth : Cthulhu’s Rapture
- The Revelation of the Second Coming of #Cthulhu — a Tweet-Sized Prophecy of the Apocalypse!
- The day of the Rupture draws near — soon the Worthy will be taken up and mouthwards and eaten. Ia Ktulu!
- Soon the Four Gelatinous Riders-in-One come! And within shall you see all they have slain! A half of us all! Ia Ktulu!
- And in those woeful days there shall come a great deceiver, a false messiah, a prince of darkness — #Nyarlathotep is he!
- Only 144.000 will be saved. The piety and the methods of Yith will save them. In future they shall dwell, in alien shells. Ia Ktulu!
- Then out of Babylon the Great Whore Shub-Niggurath; and her mates will not go willing to her. A million pregnancies at once, she!
- And He awakens. He, His mouth a cluster of swords. He, His eyes the twinkling spread of dying galaxies. Ia, Ia, Ia! Ku-tu-luu!
- And He rises. He, a mountain stumbling or walking. He, a lamb to powers above; a god to us. Woe to Earth that dark day. Ia, Ia!
- And He eats. No impure thinking thing will He eat — no thing will think as He reaches for it. And His hunger is limitless. Ia!
- And He reigns. Woe to you, o burning Earth: your delirium beginneth as the Sleeper awakeneth! He eats, but cares not! Ia! Ia Ktulu!
- And He IS. Woe to you, o screaming Earth: your weak carcase is food to those who are strong. Ia ia Ktulu! Fhtagn! Kthxbai!
* * *
#ragnabot : A Ragnarok with Nanobots
- I predict apocalypse mash-ups are going to be big in the future. Just think of it: Ragnarok and escaped nanobots!
- Surt surfing over New York’s skyline on a wave of flaming grey goo!
- Valkyries stabbing lances of fire at formless giants of Muspellheim’s menacing dwarfcraft! Room at the bottom, for the dead!
- A grey wolf, a doom-wolf, a wolf that bites to grow itself, devouring the moon!
- The earth itself food to a giant worm, ponderously rising over a screaming land, the ecophage’s jaws stretched wide!
- Muspellheim open, land of fire, friction of the warlike landscape!
- Jotunheim open, land of ice, grey and bare as bleached bone!
- All Hel breaking loose! Hearken how the fey end came to be, in the next installment!
- Vinland’s Vana and AEsa locked in centurial strife! Without, within their foes plot, and the grey end grows close!
- Doomed lies the planet, as knowing-craft’s Baldur is cast low, for baying entertainment’s sake wounded to death!
- Fire, fey, Loki’s second coming, doom of gods, tech run amuck!
- Nidhoggr, Hel’s serpent, downtrodden risen to wield twilight’s sword, the eating weapon, the reducing plague!
- He, the wrath of the fanatic, he, Nidhoggr, the corpse-eater of the land of corpses, free to glut on warmer meats!
- And Fafnir, the father of dragons, carrier for the grey seeds of doom! In the foolishness of eld, eaten the hopes of spring!
- Lo! The faceless foe comes! Come, a fell Sleipnir of a thousand treaded feet, a radioactive Odin of grim war!
- A geosynchronous Rainbow Bridge whence the Valkyries thunder forth, deliverers of the unquiet dead!
- The kinetic impactor of Thor’s starry hammer, and the downward bleeding grey moon —
- A wind age, a wolf age— / before the world goes headlong!
(footnote: “Vana and AEsa” should rather be “Vanr and Ass”, but really, when it’s a Ragnarok With Nanobots…)