Two apocalypse prophecies, as recently twittered

As recently twittered by me, that is. Because as an Erisian Pope I am officially authorized to prophesy for any and all religions and all combinations of them. (Benedict, if you’re still not getting through, call me. My rates are very reasonable.)

#2ndcth : Cthulhu’s Rapture

  1. The Revelation of the Second Coming of #Cthulhu — a Tweet-Sized Prophecy of the Apocalypse!
  2. The day of the Rupture draws near — soon the Worthy will be taken up and mouthwards and eaten. Ia Ktulu!
  3. Soon the Four Gelatinous Riders-in-One come! And within shall you see all they have slain! A half of us all! Ia Ktulu!
  4. And in those woeful days there shall come a great deceiver, a false messiah, a prince of darkness — #Nyarlathotep is he!
  5. Only 144.000 will be saved. The piety and the methods of Yith will save them. In future they shall dwell, in alien shells. Ia Ktulu!
  6. Then out of Babylon the Great Whore Shub-Niggurath; and her mates will not go willing to her. A million pregnancies at once, she!
  7. And He awakens. He, His mouth a cluster of swords. He, His eyes the twinkling spread of dying galaxies. Ia, Ia, Ia! Ku-tu-luu!
  8. And He rises. He, a mountain stumbling or walking. He, a lamb to powers above; a god to us. Woe to Earth that dark day. Ia, Ia!
  9. And He eats. No impure thinking thing will He eat — no thing will think as He reaches for it. And His hunger is limitless. Ia!
  10. And He reigns. Woe to you, o burning Earth: your delirium beginneth as the Sleeper awakeneth! He eats, but cares not! Ia! Ia Ktulu!
  11. And He IS. Woe to you, o screaming Earth: your weak carcase is food to those who are strong. Ia ia Ktulu! Fhtagn! Kthxbai!

* * *

#ragnabot : A Ragnarok with Nanobots

  1. I predict apocalypse mash-ups are going to be big in the future. Just think of it: Ragnarok and escaped nanobots!
  2. Surt surfing over New York’s skyline on a wave of flaming grey goo!
  3. Valkyries stabbing lances of fire at formless giants of Muspellheim’s menacing dwarfcraft! Room at the bottom, for the dead!
  4. A grey wolf, a doom-wolf, a wolf that bites to grow itself, devouring the moon!
  5. The earth itself food to a giant worm, ponderously rising over a screaming land, the ecophage’s jaws stretched wide!
  6. Muspellheim open, land of fire, friction of the warlike landscape!
  7. Jotunheim open, land of ice, grey and bare as bleached bone!
  8. All Hel breaking loose! Hearken how the fey end came to be, in the next installment!
  9. Vinland’s Vana and AEsa locked in centurial strife! Without, within their foes plot, and the grey end grows close!
  10. Doomed lies the planet, as knowing-craft’s Baldur is cast low, for baying entertainment’s sake wounded to death!
  11. Fire, fey, Loki’s second coming, doom of gods, tech run amuck!
  12. Nidhoggr, Hel’s serpent, downtrodden risen to wield twilight’s sword, the eating weapon, the reducing plague!
  13. He, the wrath of the fanatic, he, Nidhoggr, the corpse-eater of the land of corpses, free to glut on warmer meats!
  14. And Fafnir, the father of dragons, carrier for the grey seeds of doom! In the foolishness of eld, eaten the hopes of spring!
  15. Lo! The faceless foe comes! Come, a fell Sleipnir of a thousand treaded feet, a radioactive Odin of grim war!
  16. A geosynchronous Rainbow Bridge whence the Valkyries thunder forth, deliverers of the unquiet dead!
  17. The kinetic impactor of Thor’s starry hammer, and the downward bleeding grey moon —
  18. A wind age, a wolf age— / before the world goes headlong!

(footnote: “Vana and AEsa” should rather be “Vanr and Ass”, but really, when it’s a Ragnarok With Nanobots…)

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