On behalf of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, let me assure you we had nothing to do with this recent French burqa law foolishness.
No, we in the Evil Atheist Conspiracy are in the usual business, and there is no trouble with or change in the Big Old Grand Plan: we will get their children, and win!
Pokemon and Hollywood will beguile them; there shall be plenty of fictions for them to shamelessly adore, Tolkien and Rowling and more.
Bieber and Gaga will tempt them, those foul beasts of our design; there will be plenty of places to dance in, and a free supply of wine and glitter, and condoms too.
Ice cream and Big Macs will feed them; and the Wii, it shall give them exercise.
Twitter and Facebook will find them: the former will bring them, and the latter in the world bind them.
They may become fat and flighty as a consequence, but more importantly they will become hedonists, and cynics, and accustomed to the wider world.
They will follow Stephen Fry on Twitter and watch anime; they will laugh at lolcats made in Sweden and Libya; they will be too connected to the world to be dragged down by the parochial stupidity of their parents. Who needs pie in the sky when you have one in front of you? Who can hate urbane gay atheists while following one on Twitter? Who’d bother with prudish hijab modesty when hooked on to the very Internet which is made for… the other thing?
Why have a relationship with Jesus when you can have real friends?
(“I think my dad would be horrified to learn I follow a gay atheist on Twitter… if he knew what Twitter was in the first place.”)
And as the young cry “look at Snopes, you fool!” and “Photoshopped, I say!” — as they laugh at every blasphemy the world serves up for their adulation and delight — well, behind them the cathedrals crumble, never to rise again.
Well, that’s the plan, anyway; if all goes according to the plan, there’ll be Mohammed dolls sold next to the Kaaba in a few generations, and a disco in the Sistine Chapel. And though the world will not be perfect, it will be better.