I trust you remember me mentioning that the idiot party of True Finns (Perussuomalaiset) got 39 seats in the 200-seat parliament a little over a week ago.
It seems very likely I could do a 39-part rogues’ gallery of them; but I won’t. There’s a history of high blood pressure in my family; best to not go courting.
Instead, I present to you one of those thirty-nine: Teuvo Hakkarainen (a he), a fifty-one-year-old sawer or saw-firm-operator from some bleeding heart or burning arsehole of Finland. First term Parliament member; as for what kind of a member, a dick apparently.
Here’s a link to a news bit about him over on Helsingin Sanomat, in Finnish; the two-minute chatty bit’s title is Perussuomalaisten Teuvo Hakkaraiselle kaikki eduskunnassa oli uutta, or “To True Finns’ Teuvo Hakkarainen, everything at the Parliament is new”.
Allow me to translate.
* * *
Teuvo Hakkarainen: In the morning warmed up the sauna around four, went to sauna, then started to drive, phoned a pal a little before Helsinki and he said to turn right at Kirkkokatu street…
Voiceover: Teuvo Hakkarainen, new True Finn MP, is this first day a bit like the first day in school?
TH: Everything’s new and strange, and everything needs to be learned again here… everything’s new!
Some chatty type: Ever had this many people over at the saw mill, heh? Not… not at the same time!
TH: (some quip I can’t make out)
Some chatty type: A bank manager! (laughter)
TH: Ah, I don’t know, I’m used to always doing things, and the work has shown what has gotten done, and now… I just need to try to do what I can.
Interviewer: Is it possible that you’ll be longing for the saw mill anytime soon?
TH: I’m missing it already!
Established political character: So what’s your vocation?
E.P.C.: Sawman? What’s… what does that mean in this connection?
TH: Circular saw business!
E.P.C.: We’re in the same vocation! I worked as one as a schoolboy!
TH: (in his room) It’s that immigration thing… that needs to be gotten in order… needs to be gotten in order, so there won’t be crooks given a living– cavort– a quick turn-back law, quickly! That has to be gotten, because… a pal’s son works at the border, says that a nigger (neekeriukko) shows up, knows just the Finnish word for “asylum”, and that’s one in straight at that. I… I don’t know, but, that’s what it’s like. All kind of Muslims cavorting around, yell and scream, just you wait there’ll be a minaret over there and a guy there screaming (low-key drunken pseudo-muezzin yell), starts at five in the morning, that’ll be nice listening…
* * *
I would so very much like to tell you this is a sick sketch of some description, possibly on the theme of “What if the Parliament really represented the average Joes?”, but no: 3371 legally adult and competent people voted for this character and now he’s in the Parliament.
(The next day (item in Finnish), Hakkarainen comments on the resulting uproar: apparently (a) he’s simple country folks and doesn’t know a thing, (b) so that’s the why if he made a teensy weensy mis-speak in some turn of phrase there somewhere, and (c) mistakes, them’s good for learning! The True Finns bossman, Timo Soini, said this: “An inexperienced new MP spoke out of turn… I hope he won’t do that again.”)