Finnish parliamentary sundae

The Finnish cabinet negotiations are… well, they’re still going on, two months after the elections and a month after I last mentioned them. (This is not usual.)

There was a lot of tiffing and spatting during the past few weeks, and a lot of scary headlines (well, scary to me) as it seemed the six involved in the current try — Coalition, Social Democrats, Greens, Left Alliance, Swedes and Christian Democrats; numbers at the post linked to above — couldn’t get to an agreement. At one point the Social Democrats marched out; all the while every party tried to praise every other that might, just might, climb into a shared bed with them. (Exception: The True Finns and the Greens. Irreconcilable differences viz. clueslessness and having a clue in matters of tolerance and environment; not going to see those two in the same cabinet.)

Now (midday Friday) the six are back together again, as it seems chief negotiator Katainen (Kokoomus/Coalition party) found no more willing combination. (True Finns: “Sure we’ll come in, if we get a special permission to disagree with you-all in everything EU related! That wouldn’t be too painful, would it?” Center: “Why I thought you had abandoned me, poor old seat-depleted me. But you are not just teasing are you? Wait, what do you mean you need someone else in your life too? You… you rake!“)

The six — or the sixpack, as the media calls them, all properly English and not sikspäkki as a garden-variety Finn would put his beer container — have said they’ll report on progress next Friday; as I gather they were doing well before this brief break-up, as well as somewhat-rightie-Coalition and somewhat-leftie-Social Democrats and quite-leftie-Left-Alliance can, and as well as Greens (“sane on marriage and gays”) and Christian Democrats (“well in my grandmother’s time never!“) ever can.

Personally, I’m still hoping the six succeed; watching this chaos has been a bit like watching someone make a sundae for you, with strawberry in one cup, lemon in another, vanilla in a third, oh, what’ll end in your treat… while the scoop also hovers over a cup of shit and another of dead spiders.

Hyperbole aside, and ahead towards unfair oversimplification, I’m okay with the Christian Democrats (Kristillisdemokraatit, \approx disapproving religious old ladies) getting in as long as the True Finns (Perussuomalaiset, \approx angry xenophobic hicks) don’t. Sniffy is to be preferred over horrifyingly clueless.

(Given that their Finnish name better translates as “Basic Finns”, I wonder where all the Advanced Finns are?)

2 Responses to “Finnish parliamentary sundae”

  1. jok Says:

    Hi. A political intrusion, if you’ll allow.

    Just read the first linked precursor of this article.


    Ok, so in interest of a full discolure, I’m a Finn as well.

    Only, looking at the semieternal cabinet negotiations, I”m starting to wish I wasn’t. A Finn, that is.


    As far as I can tell, the only election campaign item that the Coalition Party preserved in the negotiations was the Mediterranian Infusion, as I tend to call it. Everything else was trashed in the interest of forming a majority cabinet.

    If, to state a stand, the only election campaign item the True Finns Party could have preserved in the negotiations would have been the negation of same, the other items having been inevitably whittled away in the negotiations, I still think that the country would have been better of with Soini as the PM.


  2. Stephanie Says:

    Ok, dude those jokes were hecka funny I could not stop laughing especially after the last one! you write some good stuff!

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