How to name things on the Internet

  1. Take an up word. Omit the last vowel. Instant coolness! Blastr, Flattr, Tumblr, Flickr, Zooomr, etc.
  2. Take a common word. Take several drinks. Wait. Voicemail the word to yourself. Examples: Renderosity, Listography, Posterous, Blogger (the word “blog”, too, to say nothing of “blogosphere”, was probably a transcribed belch), etc.
  3. Ask your cousin’s five-month-old. If necessary, apply medication first. (Remember to remove the exclamation mark, and any instances of the word “poop”.) Examples: Bing, Reddit, Bebo, Badoo, Digg, Habbo, Knol, etc.
  4. Textspeak, CamelCase and runningwordstogether. It’s not just for fourteen-year-olds anymore! Examples: CiteULike, YouTube, UStream, DeviantART, etc.
  5. Take some sufficiently ethnic expression; but avoid diacritical marks and other weird punctuation. (For extra points, take a word with diacritics, meaning “a beautiful life”, and strip them off for internet, resulting in “necrophiliac excrement”. Dictionaries are dangerous!) Examples: Wikipedia (wiki, Hawaiian), Ovi (“a door”, Finnish; now allied to “the window”!), Ubuntu (African), Slashdot (nerd speak), Sy Fy (Polish), etc.
  6. The cat-keyboard method. Also known as the “where did I put my old D&D character sheets? Those were some good names!” method. Examples: Virb, Genwi, Qaym, Qype, Jeeran, Xanga, etc.
  7. Anything plus “ster”. Examples: Bragster, Blogster, Craftster, Crewster, Elfster, Eurekster, Flixster, Friendster, Glogster, Jobster, and did you notice that’s only up to “J”?

Also, anything plus “.com”, but that is obvious. Or a number plus “chan”, but that… I won’t touch that.

For blogs, one could probably go with (a) mutilated (“cleverized”) proverbs, (b) pieces of sentences, (c) half-witty misspellings, and (d) faux newspapery titles (as in “Moose Jaw Breaking News and Gazette”, with 3 posts and never more; not as in “Moose In Chimney Kills Three!”, which would be a fetching title for a blog actually).

Examples of the other three would be “Nailing Two Birds With Only A Hammer”, “And Bringing The Cleaver Down On His Fingers”, and “Absolute Corectness”.

Not actual blogs, those, though I freely offer the names to anyone needing some.

I’m kind of tempted to go and register the dot-coms for YUSoDead and Cremaster and Funrl and Graventer now, before the internet generation grows to need that kind of services. I could make millions!

One Response to “How to name things on the Internet”

  1. Bob O'Hara Says:

    Isn’t Ustream a prescription-only diuretic?

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