Ceremonies

Listening to the podcast called H. P. Podcraft, heard a mention of the online bookshop Miskatonic Books. Over on their side saw a book called Lovecraftian Ceremonies.

Subtitle was “Seven Occult Dramas for the Magickal Performer”.

Which curbed my enthusiasm.

Because I had hoped for “Lovecraftian Ceremonies: Marriages, Divorces and Especially Burials by the Rites Older Than Man”.

Containing among others the following classics:

  • The Marriage of the Ichor Bride, According to the Cult of the Ichor-Baptism, to the Googroom of Swampness (Note: to prevent irrevocable loss of sanity, should be performed as a “role play” only.)
  • The Divorce for One, by the Apparition of Clui-Tsathoggua, the Reaver of the Opposite Sex
  • The Marriage Pact of the Rictus-Nightwound, for the Bloodworm-Lizard, for the Nameless Blasphemy of the Grotesque Unspeakable Sin of the Netherwounds (this is just gay marriage, but the author was not for it)
  • The Quick Rite for the Reversal of the Reburial, for One Priest, Two Shovelmen and a Lookout
  • The Disharmony of a Wizard’s Tomb (Keeps Unruly Youths Away Or Your Blood Back!), As Made Famous By The Tome’s Eibon!
  • The Baby Shower, or, the Terrible Rain of Mewling Infants
  • The Engagement Words According To Schädelzerschmetternerberg Mountain (“Sweet eternal love I swear, and if you betray, the Hounds of Tindalos have thee!”)
  • The Engagement Words According to R’lyeh (“Fhtagn bewbs etc.”)
  • The Engagement Words According To Mrs. Mason (“The Rat-Thing That Beareths The Secrets of Salem etc. etc.”)
  • The Last Rites, That End The World Entire, Symbolically Speaking

* * *

Q: “And do ye, under these loathsome gibbous moons, in this void full of the gibbering echoes of elder witcheries, take this nameless thing as ye wedded Thing?”

A: “Verily, I do, and may the Claw rend me if I recant on this.”

Q: “Thereby I then, with wild and ecstatic phrensies, do pronounce ye a Thing and an Another Thing! May ye common spawn, your hellish, squamous, rugose progeny flood the universe!”

A: “Iä!”

Q: “Let ye all rise for the Adulatious Devouring of Naan.”

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