Noses, what good are noses?

Am abominally sick, or else someone has replaced my nose with a snot dispenser. You pull, and with a rumble a portion comes out.

Go buy a musicced reading of the Fungi from Yuggoth by the British Yog-Sothoth folks. Or get your hands on the anime called Planetes. Both are good enough to make you forget your nose for a while.

Even if you don’t especially want to forget your nose, well, hey, what has your nose ever done to you? Ever thought, “Gee, my nose is great”? No? Well, then fuck your nose and go lose yourself in something good.

Really. Noses. What good are they? They’re so useless there isn’t even such a thing as a sexual nose fetish. There are thoughts, there are pictures (drawn) of people being penetrated through the eye socket, but the nose? Interests nobody. I —

Wait. Let me google that, just to be sure.

Dammit, humanity.

Foot fetishism wasn’t enough for you, was it?  Getting your kicks from the dead, from nonagenarians, from autoerotic asphyxia, from Norwegians wasn’t enough. There had to be nose fetishists too.

And I’m not ragging on the fetishists, I am not averse to a few myself, but noses? At the moment, and with my nasal simulation of a creampie, I cannot find sympathy for that. If noses are someone’s thing, then what about snot? Hah, that would—

Don’t google that, by the way. It’s enough that I now have to keep telling myself those were trolls, nothing more.

Now I have to try to get well, or failing, have to register hotsnotshots.com and dig up a camera. (“All the snot you wanna see — and probably more!”)