How my mind works

So I go to Boing Boing and see a picture from Reddit: a kid has invented a device for not dropping your books in the bathtub. (I’ve invented one too: it’s called not reading books in the bath — but I digress.) The device is a suction cup high on the bathroom wall, a self-retracting dog leash on it, and the book on the end of the leash, near water level.

Now.

My first thought, seeing this contraption, was: “That clip can’t possibly hold a book. It’ll tear it. And you need to joggle and shift the book; it’s come undone and the book’s done then, the leash’ll whip up and take your nose off.”

My second thought was: “Wait, no. Your grip weakens for a moment, and the leash whips the book from your hands. The book ascends, boinks against the case of the leash, and detaches from the clip. The impact breaks the suction cup from the wall as well. The book falls into the bath, which you won’t be concentrating on as the leash-cup combination crashes on your head, and you drown in the tub.”

My third thought was: “It’s stupid to put a book on the end of that leash. Why not a cat? It’s much more fun to play with a cat that dangles inches above water — wait, no, I mistook ‘yowling ball of clawing pain’ for ‘fun’. This is a blind spot I really should try to get rid of.”

My fourth thought was: “Is it because I’ve never had a bath… er, wait, a bath-tub… that the idea of reading a book in the tub seems so bizarre and sacrilegious to me? Or is it because I’m the sort of a person that gasps in shock if I knock a book on the floor?”

My fifth thought was: “Wait, I’m a retracting-dog-leash ignoramus as well; never had dogs; never cared much for dogs. Maybe I’m overestimating the pull such a device has. But wait, are there leashes with different, er, levels of pull? If not, wouldn’t chihuahuas spend all their time dangling from the leash handle? And with big dogs, and strong-springed leashes, wouldn’t it be you that gets yoinked to the dog? Wait, no, maybe the mechanism is not intended for dog-yoinking.”

My sixth thought was of a female voice calling: “Honey, have you seen Jimbo’s leash? And the suction cup I bought for the fridge?”, and a male voice answering from the direction of the bathroom-toilet: “I’m using them right now, dear. Come and see, it’s clever and not a sex thing.”

My seventh thought was: “My, I’m having a lot of thoughts today.”

One Response to “How my mind works”

  1. mirrass Says:

    The point of the retracting leash, I understand, is for it to retract when the dog is exerting no force* on it. My tiny dog (poodle) has no trouble with its leash (that was bought without ever specifying dog size), so I suspect even tinier dogs can deal with them ok.

    *Obviously there is some amount of force at which the spring would still retract, but this is much less than the weight of any actual dog. I don’t know how it measures up against a standard book.

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